The First Time
by Yoko Kitsune
Summary: What happens when Avalanche talks about the first time doing "IT". Oneshot. First Fanfic. VinTif VinYuf CidOC CloRuf


Disclaimer: I own nothing…except a copy of the game, a couple of posters, a ton of plushies, Ehgeriz, a ton of pics on my PC, and some other stuff…but not them… go ahead laugh at me…

A/N ok before I start the fic, I'd like you all to keep your minds out of the gutter…

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"Hey Tifa how's it going?" Aeris asked her friend as she and her ex walked into their friend home.

"I would say that everything is fine, except that it's not! Seeing his face just makes my blood boil!" She says pointing a finger at Vincent.

"C'mon, how many times do I have to apologize! I didn't know that you would turn out to be so cruel and bitter!"

"Well, if you didn't do what you did..."

"No need to go there!" Yuffie interrupted. "The past is the past and we can't change it! So there's no need crying over spilled milk! Why don't you two be nice, and shake on it?"

"Okay." The two said in unison. Vincent shook Tifa' hand and kissed it.

"HEY! I said shake her hand NOT kiss it! I see why she broke up with you femme fatale!"

"I'm not a woman.." There was a knock on the door suddenly. Tifa answered it. Sephiroth, Cloud, Barret and Cid were at the door.

"Hi!" Aeris shouted to her friends.

"Hello. You look lovely today, as always!" Cloud said.

"You look hideous, as always!" Sephiroth said. Everyone excluding Tifa and Yuffie didn't find the remark funny!

"So Aeris, why are we here anyway?" Cid queried.

"It's because I want to know about...The first time. You know, you guys did it! I mean, what was it like?" Everyone excluding Aeris, Sephiroth and Barret blushed.

"Aeris," Vincent started. "You actually mean your considering doing 'IT'!"

"Yeah. I've never done 'IT' before. And I think it's time that I done so! I'm mature, and I'm sure I can handle anything that comes after it's done and over with!"

"Okay, so if 'IT'S' good to you at first, will you continue to do 'IT'?

"Tifa, I think I'm making a very good decision here! Besides, why pay for 'IT' when I can get 'IT' done for free!"

"Yeah," Yuffie interrupted laughing at her friend. "When Vincent and I did 'IT'..."

"VINCENT! You and Yuffie..." Sephiroth shouted. "I never thought I'd hear about you..."

"Quit it Sephiroth!" Tifa said with irritation in her voice.

"Gee what's eating you ou-..."

"It definitely isn't Vincent!" Barret said making fun of Tifa.

"So funny!" Tifa sarcastically said to Barret.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"You're nasty man!" Sephiroth exclaimed to Barret.

"Well, how about a promise that a certain someone made to me. I was your girl until I caught you kissing my young, young friend! And now you lie to me! I thought I was the first, after Lucrecia, you've done 'IT' to Vincent?" Tifa said enraged.

"Whoa!" Barret said surprised. "This is interesting. Tell us what happened! C'mon man!"

"I don't want to hear about no one's private life!" Cid protested.

"Go ahead Vince! Tell them about how you DONE me after you DID Yuffie!" Tifa harshly said.

Vincent blushed a bright red. "Okay, first, we tried to do it at her home in Nibelheim, but being it was her first time and all, I didn't want to get blood on the linen. Then we tried at the Nibelheim hotel. When I put my finger in her- she screamed so loud that the maid service lady burst in thinking I was trying to hurt her!"

"Wait, you mean your finger on your hand?" Cloud asked.

"Yes! I would have used my claw, but it would have been too much for her! Any way I took her to the Shinra mansion to my coffin where we proceeded. She screamed and cried like a child. When I pulled my finger out of her, she was bleeding and said she was sore. Blood all over my coffin."

"Yeah, I told you stupid, that we should've done it on the table at my house, but you were scared that someone would catch us! I didn't care who saw!"

"Wow you're my type of freak!" Barret said to Tifa.

"Well, I'll tell you it was pure joy for me when we done 'IT' Aeris! Of coarse we done it before he and Tifa had!" said Yuffie

"Rub it in Yuffie!" Tifa retorted, rolling her eyes.

"So how did it go down?" Cloud queried.

"In MY bedroom!"

"VINCENT!" Tifa yelled at him. " I thought you didn't like ruining girls linen! You lying mother f#king cheater!"

"Whoa! You sound just like Barret when he's pissed!" Cid exclaimed.

"Any way, he used his FINGERS!"

"VINCENT!"

"Whaaat!"

"You only used one finger on ME! You used fingers on HER!

"Tifa, it was only two!"

"Two too many!"

"Well, you didn't open up as much as she had. So I only needed to use one! Two wouldn't have been necessary! I would have torn you up! Then you truly would have been saying you were sore!"

"Anyway, Vince and I told my dad that we were going to my room and didn't want to be disturbed. Well, you can imagine what happened from there! I thought I was in heaven when it was over!"

"Any else want to share? How about you Cid?"

"...Oh what the hell! I was at a mechanics school (in my younger days). So then one day this gorgeous instructor came in and I asked her to teach me some things and she told me I was handsome. The next thing you know we were oil down doing 'IT'. We went from the counter to the floor, and by a model plane. I got tired after about an hour went by, but I didn't give up! I wanted at least one person to boast about how great I was! Well, as it so happens that her boss walked in on us with other employees. We were caught right in the middle of the act. But I didn't care! I wanted them to see how good I was, so I continued to proceed with my 'work'! They all watched the rest of the time, and then I stopped. I had some other business to take care of in town."

"DAAAAAAMN!" Barret, Cloud and Sephiroth said in unison.

"Wait you never told us how long Vincent lasted!" Barret said.

"Well, because it was hard for him to pull out my..."

"HEY HEY HEY!" Interrupted Cloud. "Watch your language!"

"Anyway, It took him about thirty minutes. Including the fooling around and stuff!" Everyone looked at Tifa.

"Oh PLEASE! I don't want to embarrass him!"

"What ever!" Vincent exclaimed.

"How about you Cloud?"

"Well, okay!"

Everyone gasped.

"I'm shocked at you Cloud, I would've never thought..."

"Well, I needed some satisfaction in my life too!"

"And I thought I was your friend!" Barret said in a shocked comical way.

"Okay, it was in the back of the church in Midgard when I was young..."

"Cloud how could you!" Aeris retorted. "Of all the places-in CHURCH!"

"Just let him finish!" Sephiroth exclaimed.

"Thank you. Now, at the back of the church, Rufus and I..."

"Rufus?" Cid retorted. "You're..."

"Wait let me finish! At the back of the church on a bench, I was on top, he was on bottom. The cherries I licked off of 'IT' were sooo good! Though I must say that was one sin I don't regret committing!"

"YOU'RE GAY!" Barret shouted.

"I...What in the world gives you that idea?"

"You did the forbidden in church!" Barret exclaimed.

"And with a boy!" Sephiroth added.

"What forbidden?"

"Don't feign ignorant on me Tifa!" Barret retorted. "They had..they..they did 'IT' in the CHURCH, MAN!"

"I did not! Rufus and I licked cherries off an ice cream cone we shared as young boys. We stole it and ate it at church! We were starving! I sat on the top of the bench, where you rest your back, he sat on the bottom, where you sit?"

"Oh!"

"Well Tifa, what about you and Vincent?" Sephiroth asked.

"Vincent was trying to pluck out my loose tooth that was hurting me, that's why the blood, screaming and crying...I was kind of scared!"

"Umhm."

"Same here!" Yuffie said "It took him longer with me because mine wasn't that loose!"

"Yes, and Tifa shorter because her tooth was loose and rotten! Just like her attitude!" Vincent said.

"What about Cid?"

"I was talking about fixing airplanes! Man where were your minds?"

"I was talking about having my tooth pulled by someone other than a dentist. Same for Tifa! What were you thinkin Barret?"

"Oh!"

"What about you Aeris?" Barret and Sephiroth said in unison.

"I was talking about owning a chocobo! That explains why I didn't understand what you all were talking about!"

"That's funny," Sephiroth started. "I thought you all were talking about se-"

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A/N: hey that was my first fanfic…YAY FOR ONESHOTNESS! Anyway Review…if you flame me…I'll…Hold Cloud hostage…crap already been done….Reno, no, no one likes him…screw it just review. 


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